This past week, it was pointed out to me, that sometimes existing schools of thought about "living" are continuously shifting. Do you ever feel like you are squeezing you size 8 foot into a cuter size 7 shoe? Or perhaps you have a vision of the perfect shoe, only when you try it on, for some reason, your foot doesn't see to fill it?
In the past several decades the roles of men and women have been evolving, changing. Yet, I have been pulled, drawn to the concept that I can or "should" be everything to everyone, but where does that leave what I "want" or what I am "inspired to do?"
Can we have it all?
Can we be the June Cleaver housewife who walks around the house in heels and a dress, dinner on a perfectly set formal table, a house of perfection. Home for the children, with cookies fresh from the oven as the come home from school?
And then there is the woman of the 80s who became a "career woman." Bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, progress, no doubt, and the fresh baked cookies may have turned into bought, but hey now we can afford it.
And what about today's woman? Do the same old paradigms apply? Or do we expect more?
Times have changed, but have our ideals of what we expect of ourselves in the process?
I work part-time from home, so I am home most days, all day. And yet, because I occupy this physical space, in my mind, I start "shoulding" all over myself.
• I should have a perfectly clean house (far from reality)
• I should have the laundry done
• I should have dinner on the table when my dear husband walks in the door (more than just pizza)
• I should have fresh baked treats for my kids when the get off the bus (OK this usually does happen)
• I should volunteer at the kids school
• I should do more for the church
• I should clip coupons
• I should have more clients
• I should work out
• I should lose weight
• I should provide healthy food choices for my family
• I should change the oil in my car every 3,000 miles
I ask, is that the truth? Who has put that guilt on us? Who has made us believe we "should" have or do it all? And is it worth it? Can we find the answer by looking in the mirror?
Last year, I asked my girls, what the best memory of their life has been thus far. I imagined it would be one of our 5 trips to Jamaica, DisneyWorld, Mexico, the Hannah Montana concert, a birthday party, a special performance or a special gift. I was surprised to hear from both of them, that it was indeed a summer day. We took a 97¢ bag of balloons and filled them with water, loaded them in a cooler and went in the front yard for a water balloon fight. All in all, it lasted no more than 30 minutes, we all had fun, we were all together, laughing and playing. And it cost us about a buck and 30 minutes of being fully present with them.
What does that say about where we place our priorities, and what it really means to them?
Will they look back and cherish the hours they spent watching TV or playing their gameboy? Will they look back and wish mom spent more time cleaning the house? That mom would have really worked at losing that last 10 pounds?
Today's economy has in some cases, caused families to cut back, perhaps one parent lost his/her job or chose for one parent to be home. And while at first, that can be shocking, an adjustment, a dramatic change. But, after some time, will they see that it could have all been a blessing in disguise? Perhaps an opportunity? That is for each person to decide for themselves.
I can be everything to everybody, but do I lose myself in the process? If every moment I spend with my kids, I am worrying about work, or the house, or supper. And when I am at work, I am worried about the kids, and the house, and my spouse, and I'm not giving 100% to my work. Are you burning the candle at both ends? At that point, am I really serving anyone? I am certainly not serving myself.
So, is it June Cleaver I look to as a role model? Is it Claire Huckstable? Is there anyone in TV today who serves as a good role model for women? Is there anyone real? Is "Reality TV" even real?
I work from home part-time, because that works for me. I cherish the clients I work for. And no one does exactly what I do, how I do it, with my perspective, history, thought and life experience. No one else has MY kids, or MY spouse, so, why is it that I feel I need that role model? No one else is me, so rather than fitting into a shoe that is too tight or too big, what about building my own shoe? Maybe it isn't even a shoe, perhaps I am more comfortable barefoot? Don't worry about others shoes, what others are doing? What they have, or what they appear to have. More often than not, it is illusion.
Find an hour for yourself, to sit and think, what is it that you really want? Ask your children, what has been the best moment in life so far? Think about that for yourself? Fill your days with that which you cherish. And when you are living a life filled with joy, some of the "shoulds" will fall into place. If not, perhaps they just weren't a part of your shoe.
You really can't know someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes, so don't try. A mile in ill-fitting shoes only ends in one thing...blisters. Their shoes are theirs, not yours. You have your own journey, your own shoes and no one can wear them the way you do. As do they. Respect their shoes, but know they aren't going to fit your feet, they aren't meant to.
Do you have blisters?