Starting the fire...

In my chapter of the book Inviting Dialogue, I talk about finding your "burning desire" and acting upon it. Today, I decided to devote this blog post to talking about that burning desire, do you have one? Perhaps you have an inkling of a smoldering ember, or just can't put your finger on what that passion in your life is.

In the book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill talks about "Desire" in chapter 2. For those who are in the midst of a job/career change, now is a great time to dig deep and determine not only what type of a job you could do, but what is that one position that would light you on fire? If you haven't gotten to a seminar or have read the book, finding your genius is a great place to start. Pick up Dick Richards Is Your Genius at Work? and use the workbook to discover what your genius is, that will be a great start. When you look at what your "desires" in life are, here are a couple of questions to ask, to get to the heart of what you really want?

1. Would you do if for free? An artist that I had met early on had bestowed the advice, "Find what you love to do, what you would do for free and find a way to get paid for doing that." If you had an entire day off of work, all to yourself with no commitments, what would you choose to do?

 2. What are your hobbies? What are the things that you are doing in your spare time, have you ever thought of making that your life's work? Is that even possible? Don't just write it off, maybe there is a unique way you can bring your skills to that type of industry.

3. Ask the "Why" questions. You might say that you want to be rich or famous, but Why? Once you can answer that, ask Why again? What will you do then? What is it about achieving that goal, or chasing that dream that is going to keep that fire burning? What is it that you are going to do once you are rich or famous? Why is that important to you? Is that what you REALLY want in life?

4. Get some perspective. Think about it this way, when you look back on your life in later years, how important is what you are doing right now? Will you look back fondly and with excitement that you lived your dream, or will you look back and acknowledge that you were stuck, wishing you would have taken a risk and followed a dream? What will you look back on and regret that you never did?

5. Forget the Joneses. Are you doing something because that is what you think someone else expects of you, or to keep up with friends or neighbors? Don't forget this is your journey, live your life so that it honors who you are and who you choose to be not trying to keep up with the Joneses. There will always be someone who appears to have more, better or different. What counts is that you love what you have, that the things you surround yourself with truly enrich your life. Either they serve you, or you serve them. Look around, who is doing the serving?

6. Reflect on childhood. What was it that you absolutely loved? Wished you could do every day? Dreamt that you were an adult so that you could make decisions so that you could follow what really made you happy. Is that spark still there? What about trying to fan those flames? Think creatively, is there a way to make that dream a reality, maybe it a bit different way than you had thought?

And what if you just don't feel you are in a place to chase your dream, or it has been so long since you allowed yourself to dream that you are going to need some time to get back in the habit of dreaming. What then? Find someone else who has a dream, a burning desire, and be their bellows. Last week, Steve Farber visited Fargo and talked about his book and the Greater Than Yourself movement. It is an excellent book and easy read. Seek out those in your life who have that special energy, who are chasing their dream, and find a way to make them Greater Than Yourself. From what I understand, you will benefit more than you could ever know, by helping to change the life of someone else.

Here is a quote that I will leave you with today:

Never extinguish the fire in your heart that sparks your desire for success and rekindles your hopes and dreams, no matter how small the flame gets or how hard the wind blows.

-Vince Lo

Singing...Throw another log on the fire...Who wants s'mores?

To everything there is a season

Today, it strikes me that cooler temperatures are here to stay, the long hot days of summer are once again behind us. It causes me to take a moment to consider the change of seasons and how we cope with change. It is at this time that we have a decision to make, will we spend the next weeks and months mourning the loss of summer? Or do we look back and celebrate the time we had, the beauty of summer, and relish in the last glimpses of the green leaves and grass, knowing it will be months before we see the vibrancy of their color again.

It is about the attitude you choose. It isn't just about the seasons, it's your life as well.

Look at your children, do you see them and panic because they are growing too fast? Do you spend time mulling with regret over things you didn't teach them, didn't do with them, time you didn't take. Or do you look at them, celebrate how far they have come, rejoice that you have had the privilege to be a part of their lives and look forward to the years to come? It's a choice.

If you don't have children, maybe you agonize over your career, your workplace, how the economy has caused it to change. People being let go, responsibilities changing, priorities shifting. Sometimes it is hard to see the silver lining, even if you can't, you can choose your attitude towards it all.

So, here are my thoughts on how to make good choices in this time of change, you can probably find lists of lists online, but here are some of my thoughts...

1. Acknowledge change. Sometimes just hearing the words come out of your mouth, helps you cope with the change. "Fall is here!." "My children are maturing.," "I might lose my job." It's fact, acknowledge; "What is, IS"

2. Talk about it. Find out how other people have coped. You aren't the first to be in this situation, seek out others and learn how they dealt with similar change, ask their advice. Having talked with a few friends who lost their jobs over the past several months, many have taken that opportunity to explore new vocations, new opportunities and look back and see that the change as a good one. Thankful for the impetus to rethink what they were doing, or where they were doing it.

3. Look for the silver lining. As much as I dread that fall signals the coming of winter, there are a lot of things that I do like about fall too. I love colorful leaves, the crispness in the air, a big cozy sweater, and hot spiced cider. Maybe it is taking a trip with a child where you can do things you both like, or perhaps it is sleeping in, having lunch with friends. Whatever it is that you now have the opportunity to do, find a way to incorporate a little of that into your life each day.

4. Dream. Spend some time thinking about what your dreams for the future are. What are your wildest dreams, what about your simplest dream? If you never spend time thinking about what you want, how do you work toward that, how do you know when you have achieved it. Maybe it is having your Christmas shopping done by Thanksgiving, a tropical vacation, maybe it is having saved money, lost weight. Maybe it is as simple as wanting to learn to ice skate this winter (my dream), maybe it is sharing that with my girls. Perhaps it is a long held dream for a profession change, a "some day I want to...." Think about it, have fun with it. There is time, it's never too late.

5. Set a goal. Now that you are dreaming, let's start working to make that a reality. Put some real life times, dates, expectations down on paper. Outline some steps that you can take, small steps, to get you heading in the right direction. Try to do something every day.

6. Use affirmations. Find little things that lift your spirit, remind you of your dreams, and inspire you to continue on towards your goal. Write a little note to yourself, and inspiring quote, maybe posting pictures of what you want around your house to keep you focused. Maybe it is a song or a playlist of songs, that make you feel good, inspires you and lifts your spirits. Something to remind you to make good choices, to make the most of today.

7. Be present in today. Now that you have a goal, a roadmap, find a way to show gratitude and love your life for today. Cherish those around you, learn from those you can. Soak in the beauty of the season, of the wonderment of a child, the colleagues you currently have or the perks your employment affords you. Tell people what they mean to you and just take time to "notice what you notice." At the end of your life you don't want to look back and see that all you have done is worry over the future and lament over the past. Even if today is the worst day of your life, take moment to be present, notice how you feel, and how you will one day look back, amazed with the strength you had to carry on. Live in today.

There is a Bible verse that says it well and I will leave you with that today...

  There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

                   ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A time to make a choice. Make it a good one!

Ready to hatch?

As I was perusing my collection of photos for some inspiration for today's blog, I came across a photo I had taken this summer in Hatton, ND of some eggs in a nest.

These beautiful blue eggs in a lovingly prepared nest, and what of the creatures that lie within that turquoise shell. The exterior, beautiful now, that shell, but it won't last for long. Soon they will be pecking from the inside, breaking out of the shell, out into a world which they couldn't imagine. A world so complex and vast, once they are living in it, they will wonder how they ever lived inside that cramped little shell. Once their wings have found flight and are soaring, there is no going back. Why would they want to?

But the shell is not without its advantages. It is private, warm and comfortable. It is safe. Growth, however, can't happen inside that shell, there just isn't room. At some point, the shell has to go, has to be broken free from, and those little wings need to take flight. The whole process has to be a bit frightening. From that first glimpse of light streaming through the smallest of cracks in the shell, to the smell of fresh air, the blue of the sky and the green of the tree and of the grass.

How are you like that little bird, in the shell?

What lies just outside of your shell? A new job, a new relationship, a new passion for life, a life beyond your wildest dreams?

I think we all have a little of that bird in us. Comfortable with who we are, and where we are at. Maybe dreaming of a life outside of our "shell" but not quite ready to start breaking free. Or maybe you have seen that first ray of light and it scared you a little bit, so you retreated. Maybe you are allowing your eyes to adjust to the light gradually, waiting to make a grand entrance. Or maybe you just forgot, you were meant to fly?

Now, the shell isn't going to magically burst open with you soaring into the sky, doing loop-de-loops, and singing a beautiful song all at once. It may take time. The loop-de-loops will come, they are just going to take a little practice. But, you can't practice them inside your shell. You have to start pecking on that shell, find a way to allow some of that brilliant sun to shine in, start working on breaking free.

So, how do I do that?

First, lets identify your shell? What is it that keeps you stuck in the same place? Your job, your weight, your attitude? Think about it, really think. It is easy to jump to conclusions, but when you really think about it, what is it that is holding you back from soaring, from being who you want to be? If you are visual, you can put a color to it, maybe some spots. We aren't going to be holding on to it for long, so if you don't like the color of your shell, lets pick a new color, something more vibrant and beautiful. Something like you, let's paint it a color that will let people know that something spectacular is coming from this shell.

OK, next....start pecking, start dreaming of that loop-de-loop, start writing that melody. Like I said, you aren't going to spring free all at once, it is going to take time and effort. Knowing where to start is sometimes the most difficult, sometimes paralyzing. But start. Start pecking, it doesn't matter where in the shell, just find a spot and start. Do something to get yourself moving toward your dream. Just one thing, each day. One thing that will bring you closer to your dream.

But that can be scary. Not knowing what is beyond that shell. Others around you are starting to break free, you can feel their movement, you can hear them, you can maybe even sense their taking off into flight. And it's OK to be a little scared, but you are strong enough to move past that. Strong enough to be the one who breaks free, how takes flight and leads the others.

And the melody? Find your melody, an affirmation, a theme song that keeps you going. When that fear sets in, start signing. If nothing else the singing will keep you breathing. It doesn't have to be beautiful, any song will do, it just has to mean something to you. In good times, keep singing, and when things aren't going well, sing even louder. It is your attitude, your melody, which will keep you focused on your dream.

So, for today.....what is one thing you can do to get yourself closer to your dream? What one thing can you do to start breaking free? Maybe it is just finding your melody? Maybe it is just scoping out that shell, perhaps it isn't as thick as you think? Today, do something...start pecking.

P.S. You will be doing loop-de-loops in no time, I just know it!